(Benjamin Teixeira) – Eugênia, one of the most loathsome human flaws, universally admitted as such, seems to be the sexual abuse of children, which according to U.S. surveys, would have epidemic proportions, with one third of girls and one fifth of boys having been abused at some point of their childhood lives. Other authors refer to “pseudo-memories”, as being imaginative constructions of the unconscious, similar to memories. What would you have to say to us about all this?
(Spirit Eugenia) – Undoubtedly, sexual abuse of children is a despicable act, since they are not capable to process the event, creating horrendous fissures in their psyche, which are difficult to heal, and conditioning problematic relationships throughout adulthood, except for those who soon seek appropriate psychotherapeutic help – albeit, even these, reach little success, to be fully healed.
In fact, many of the memories are apparent, being symbolic constructions of the unconscious, which aims to elaborate archetypical themes of interrelation with adults, especially the parents. But, despite the fact some of them are “false memories”, most of these traumatic events are unfortunately true. The atmosphere of impunity at home, the shadow of power of those who demand from themselves keeping too civilized personas (*1), in their social lives, can burst into abuses against those who are least capable of facing up to it: fragile children at home, those beings who would mostly deserve love and protection, from the usurpers of their innocence. It is surely a horrendous crime, which only recently is understood as such. In the past, 12 years old girls or younger used to be given into marriage to adult men, often old enough to be their fathers or grandfathers. Only today, this attitude is understood as erroneous, not only in the psychological sense, as also in the spiritual.
It is important to consider the fact that there are other abuses, at least as serious as sexual ones, such as: physical (non-sexual), emotional, intellectual, religious and spiritual. If I spank my son, when I have other means to educate him, and I do it severely, I am physically abusing of him. If say to him: “Stop crying, because there’s no reason for it”, without carefully analysing his deepest motives, I perpetrate emotional abuse. If I rebuke him, violently hindering his right to express himself, with phrases like: “Shut up, this is no children’s conversation”, or: “I don’t care about your opinion – children’s opinion are not important”, I commit intellectual abuse. If I impose something on him like: “Your religion is ridiculous. You must follow mine”, I give vent to religious abuse. And finally, if I constrain him, with sentences like: “Here at home, everyone will have prestigious professions, and you must graduate in Law or Medicine”, I practice the spiritual abuse that diverts people from the path of their souls, from their sense of purpose for living.
With regards to the sexuality of children prematurely activated, it is of paramount importance that parents are cautious not to expose their sons and daughters to a sexualisation of childhood. Those who encourage behaviours such as: little girls dressed, behaving and dancing like adult women, overly sexualized – the same, on the other hand, applied to boys –, can be committing an error as serious as those who invade the intimacy of a child, in a sexual abuse itself. A mother should never find cute and applaud when her little daughter, who’s not even 10 years old, likes to dance half naked in an erotic and provocative way. A father should not be proud if his 10 or 12 years old son makes indecent assaults, by sexually approaching adult women. Although behaviours like masturbation and those related to the discovery of their own bodies are natural and must be faced naturally, according to assertions of psychologists of the physical plane, one cannot assume that by acting like an adult, a child is showing signs of maturity. They can be, so only, like a green fruit taken from the tree, blocking their healthy and complete development and precociously locking aspects of themselves that would unfold, if there were more time for that, as the fruit, which harvested at the appropriate time instead of out of season, grows bigger and tastes better and sweeter than those ripened off the tree. Parents, when confronted with premature sexuality in children, should not be ashamed to say: “There is nothing wrong about what you said (or did): it is natural and it is part of your development. But you are very young for that and it would be better if you spent more time playing and studying, because you’re still a child. When you become an adult, you’ll be adult forever. Don’t rush to get there!” If the child insists in such premature behaviour, it may be that one aspect of hers might have matured before others (and in fact, this is happening collectively with sexuality, because of the unfortunate press bombardment on this matter), but although parents cannot repress their children’s sexuality, they also cannot avoid imposing limits to them, such as: “Next time you show your ‘willy’ in public, you won’t play with your computer games for three days”, or: “Next time you seat on an adult’s lap like that, you won’t be allowed to use your makeup kit for two weeks”.
(BT) – Very interesting that you touch these practical details, Eugênia: I believe they will really help parents, because many of them, even, tend to turn a blind eye or laugh at similar occurrences to those you cited, as if they were innocent ones.
(SE) – And they’re actually not. The child is the innocent one, not their sexuality prematurely awakened. We must protect the spiritual core of the child’s soul from poisonous attacks of our sex addicted culture, so that they have time to develop essential parts of interpersonal relationships, like friendship with classmates of similar age and the relationship with authority figures, such as parents and teachers. If we let them sexualize themselves early, they will probably focus their relationships with this tonus and they may never wake up, or wake up improperly and incompletely, to essential forms of love and fraternal bonds that are more important than sexual ones, since these are a stem and those are the majority and not the contrary. Thus, sexual relationships must start with an affectionate involvement from soul to soul, not the opposite. Especially because, throughout life, in a civilized society like ours, the overwhelming majority of our interpersonal relationships are non-sexual, what is healthy and desirable. Therefore, apparent modernity can, on the other hand, be a terrible attempt on the balance, wholeness and maturity of an individual, making him unfit or misfit in his interactions with the world around him.
(BT) – Anything else to say about this fascinating and thrilling subject?
(SE) – No.
(BT) – Thank you Eugenia. You have been very enlightening. I am under the impression that this dialogue will be of great value for many troubled and bewildered parents of today, who no longer want to be moralists, nor permissive.
(SE) – I fulfilled my duty. Always at your service for serious matters. (*2)
(Mediumistic dialogue held on February 29, 2004. Revised by Delano Mothé)
(*1) Personalities socially presented, excluding undesirable aspects of themselves, which are housed in the “psychological shadow”.
(*2) Higher Spirits do not waste time with frivolous matters. It is an alert to those who wish to address them to talk about futilities or curiosities. A mediumistic communication can take place in the midst of such psychosphere, but there won’t be any interaction with entities from the Higher Plane, but with evil, misleading or joker beings from beyond the grave.
(Notes of the Medium)