(Spirit Eugenia) – I want you to question me about a theme you find interesting.
(Benjamin Teixeira) – I don’t know, Eugenia, I cannot think of anything…
(SE) – Oh yes, you do, at home teenage sex with the parents’ support. It is an interesting theme and I am sure parents would like to know our opinion about this.
(BT) – So, Eugênia, what would you have to say to us?
(SE) – We cannot deny the winds of History. One and a half century ago, it was scandalous for girls to take part in physical activities, since “gymnastics” was considered a male occupation. And, grossly analysed, or scientifically considered, what is sexuality if not another function of the body? Another issue to be discussed is the need to affix limits to the excesses of the sexual liberation culture, seen that, effectively, teenagers (here understood, for this study, as those between the ages of 15 to 20) are not completely apt to this kind of experience. According to what said Sir Francis Bacon, one of the fathers of modern scientific philosophy, nature, to be tamed, must be obeyed. Parents should make every effort to delay sexual initiation of their children, always avoiding incurring the danger of repression, going beyond the subtle barrier between education and oppression – something that common sense can distinguish –, in a given circumstance, because then, the effects will be extremely negative, equivalent to those of permissiveness. Hence, if the youngster does not receive authorization, under the supervision of those responsible for them, to start their sexual life at home and at home live their sexuality, they will do it on the streets, carelessly, exposed to a series of completely dispensable risks, such as untimely pregnancy, STD’s and the involvement with people dangerous to their happiness and to their development in life, in all existential departments considered. Of course parents should prevent promiscuity. Boys and girls might, in the heat of experimentation and enthusiasm that youth grants to the human soul, be led to lose the notion of limits. Therefore, it falls to parents to impose certain conditions, so that their children learn, in practice, that one does not make or one should not make sex with everybody, but only with those with whom they have already developed a sufficiently deep level of intimacy that justifies this order of sacred sharing of bodies and souls. And as it is impossible to develop intimacy overnight with anyone, this will thus establish a strong and salutary barrier to the reckless outbursts of the teenager.
(BT) – And what about the parents who claim to be encouraging a precocious sexuality in their children with this kind of modern authorization?
(SE) – They incur in the same mistake of the Catholic Church, which fights the use of condoms under the excuse that, otherwise, promiscuity would be encouraged. With this, the representatives of the summit of the Vatican assume a genocidal posture before a society of totally diverse customs from the one they have in mind, assuming they are dealing with a culture of the early 20th century: puritan, Victorian, full of prejudice and feudal atavisms. Today, however, after the sexual revolution of the 60’s, which is still expanding in various ways, it is no longer possible to use outdated paradigms for the complexity of current times. A negotiation has become indispensable. As I said above, paraphrasing the renowned Francis Bacon, one must liberate with control, so that one does not lose control completely.
(BT) – Anything else to declare about this subject?
(SE) – Remind our dear parents to always keep in mind the always present need of dialogue. Through the policy of constant quality conversation, about all matters, although respecting the areas of more intimacy of the young ones, or those areas where they have more difficulty to talk about (in which it is recommended to seek specialized professional help of therapists or professional counsellors), the parents must always follow what goes on in the heart and mind of their teenage son or daughter, because they evolve in such a speed that parents, in getting distracted by one or two months, may come across a stranger at home, in the person of those they love the most. This is one of the most important data gathered through surveys about dysfunctional youngsters, involved with drugs and criminality: lack of dialogue at home, lack of intimacy, of family life, of support and appreciation from their parents. Parents often criticize, complain, and present moral or religious precepts, especially at times when the teenager reveals irregular behaviour or poor performance in the studies. However, one who does not appreciate will never have the authority to criticize. If a parent complains about not being heard by his child, pay attention to how much he points out his flaws, in comparison to how many times he praises him, recognizing his victories and personal achievements, whether in sports, creativity or religion, and not just in the academic studies. He who never appreciates will never have his opinions appreciated. Finally, on the other hand, without paradox, I want to draw the parents’ attention to their disciplinary role, for they are responsible for the lives entrusted to them by God. This is another unequivocal conclusion of American researches in the particular field of criminality and delinquent behaviour of the youngster, if, by itself, it wasn’t wise and sensible, to consider what follows. A parent does not exist only to please, but to provide a happy life to the human being in formation, who was put under his care. To fulfil all the whims of a child, like some parents today do, means practically to sentence the child to her own destruction. To love is not to favour only, in terms of immediate expectations. To make happy does not mean simply to provide the pleasure of the moment. To love and truly promote your child’s happiness includes the essential art-science to discipline, even if at the high cost of emotional distress, punishments and tight supervision. Parenting is not a hobby or distraction: it is a serious responsibility put on the shoulders of imperfect human beings, so that they strive to develop perfection, from the unconditional love that they must seek to have for their children, without projecting upon them their needs, neuroses and prejudices (as much as possible), to the sacrifice of aspects of their own life (as long as there is no self-destructive excesses or manipulative demands afterwards), for the welfare and happiness of the little ones, sometimes physically bigger than their parents. The sacred mission of parenting is an exercise of living the Divinity in a human scale, with all the prerogatives that are inseparable to it: ungratefulness, being misunderstood… and yet keep on loving and giving oneself always, without expecting anything in return.
(Mediumistic Dialogue held on April 01, 2004.