Forgive, friend, your lack of faith here or there.
Remember that you are human. Therefore, it is understandable that you act from time to time in a way that is less coherent with the postulates of your ideal. Absolute coherence is an unattainable goal at the human level of evolution.
On the other hand, no substantial change in the patterns of consciousness happens overnight. Great transformations are slow processes, because they are complex, and take place at the deep level of the subconsciousness, becoming complete long after starting.
Trying to speed up such mechanisms can abort rather than shorten them, no matter how much personal effort is put into bringing about an immediate change.
Therefore, before giving in to despair, remember the principle of starting over, a universal concession God grants to all creatures, providing them, in His-Her Infinite Goodness, with new opportunities for growth and fulfillment.
Consider this and reassure yourself.
Paradoxically, when you stop trying to meet exaggerated and unrealistic performance expectations, you will find the best performance attainable at your current level of maturity, since, of course, you do not give up your commitment to being useful, remaining in the work of the good and persisting in disciplining yourself in all areas of life.
Benjamin Teixeira de Aguiar (medium)
Eugênia-Aspásia (Spirit)
March 2, 2006